She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
