i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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