I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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