i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
