Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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