I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize