i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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