I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
