just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
