Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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