Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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