it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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