Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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