if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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