This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm way too hungover for life right now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
