So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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