6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
