Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
