she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My hand turned me down
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
