pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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