The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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