I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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