Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
