How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize