I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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