My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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