i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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