If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
