I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
