Got a toothbrush?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
