we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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