his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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