he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
