why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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