i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Still dying that you shit outside
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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