But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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