I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
