Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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