Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
