i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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