True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
