Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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