Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
