Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
