Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
