FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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