You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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