i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
