Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
