I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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