i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
