Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
