Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Randomize
