that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
