It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
