saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
