I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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