okay pat passed out under dana's car
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
