so explain again why im purple
no
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
