I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
