guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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