I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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