take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
