If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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