Your face is a jimmy john
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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