just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
