Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My friends, they love my intelligence
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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