The maid of honor just puked.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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