How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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